I feel that all my recent diligent and intentional practices have been gathering help and support for me so that I can finally face a dark battle.

Last night, my husband guided me through a meditation, followed by a long, powerful conversation. I actually identified the pattern of how the darkness sabotages my progress, and that has brought me so much insight.

Since childhood, I have received many spiritual messages through dreams. Since 2018, I have frequently experienced lucid dreaming and encountered God many times in these dreams.

Whenever I go through a dark phase, nightmares occur. And for some reason, I can never remember to call on God for help. After the devil drops a few rounds of hope-destroying plots, I am completely destroyed and wake up in panic.

But this time, I had more strength to stay in the dream long enough and be still enough to face it, and I clearly remember calling on God continuously. The devil still got me in my dreams, but when I finally woke up, I was at peace. I know I am one step closer to God and my true power.

The dark clouds started to fade today, and I feel closer to God than ever. This morning, in bed, before I opened my eyes, I said: good morning, Jesus. 

And I know this is how I want to walk from now on. To embed Christ, like my most precious lover, into my life, I want to hold Him close to me every second.

I don’t expect a perfect relationship with Him.

I don’t crave for Him to solve all my problems.

I want a raw and real relationship with Him. I will curse when I am mad and yell when I am disappointed, but I will never stop communicating. He is the true companion to my soul, from birth to death.