✿ Morning

Today, I had an important realization, marking a significant step forward for me. After years of habitually being a world-pleaser, I’ve developed a tendency to deceive myself. I tell myself that I’m fine and that I don’t have as many issues as others, just to receive applause and validation.

Anger issues, control issues, panic attacks, insomnia, tinnitus, and so on—I hear people discussing these problems all the time. I used to think, “What’s the big deal? Just toughen up.” By doing this, I somehow distance myself from those issues. Delaying has become a powerful coping mechanism.

My recent endeavor of practicing solitude has opened up a new level of self-reflection. It’s incredibly challenging, but it’s also incredibly beneficial for me. I have all the issues just like everyone else I once labeled “whiner”.

Moving forward, I want to be brutally honest and genuine with myself. I’m done with trying to please others. God made me to be myself, and I will fulfill His glory, not mine.

Abba Father, grant me the strength to truly be Your child, which seems to be the hardest thing on earth. Make my heart desire this above all else.

✿ Afternoon

After lunch, I sat on the couch to meditate. With my eyes closed, I suddenly felt my cat jump up and gently settle on my legs, pressing her little head against me. She fell asleep right there, nestled in my lap.

Right there, at that moment, an overwhelming sense of love and care surrounded me. If a little cat leaning on me and resting can make me this happy, imagine the joy I could bring to God if I rested all of myself in Him.

Happy tears fell as I felt God’s strong shoulder lean in and say, “Come rest on me.” My tears continued as I felt deep sorrow for mistreating myself for so long, realizing that in doing so, I had mistreated God’s love.