Morning

This morning was one of those when I got up to go to the bathroom and could never fall back to sleep. At 3:30 am, I was just lying in bed, swamped with thoughts. Instead of falling into that black hole of thoughts, I kept repeating in my heart: “Lord, help me. Lord, take them away.”

I got up and started reading today’s devo. It talks about how David patiently waits for God’s help.

“You take no delight in sacrifices or offerings. Now that you have made me listen, I finally understand— you don’t require burnt offerings or sin offerings.” Psalms‬ ‭40‬:‭6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This verse stood out in my heart. I have been reading the Old Testament for a while and it seemed sacrifices were something required by God. An unaccountable number of animals were slaughtered for all the burnt offerings. It’s almost like the way how my mind functions by default. Deep down, I always believed all good things could only be given to me if I worked really hard or sacrificed enough. If any unexpected good thing happened to me, I believed there was always a catch.

I should know better now, God never wants us to suffer. It’s us who trap ourselves in all kinds of miseries. Emotions are usually the accomplice. Every thought in my head attaches to an emotion, and as we all experience, our train of thoughts runs fast and never stops. As an object moves faster, its mass increases. Therefore, even a trivial event can cause this train to weigh a thousand tons, and the amount of disturbance it causes when it runs fast with all that weight is destructive to the peace of the soul.

There are no catches, no punishments, and no sacrifices. This is how I think, not God.