God is with me

I’ve noticed that halfway through my workday, my energy gets drained to the point where even small things start to irritate me. By the time my husband gets home, everything he does seems to annoy me. Last night during dinner, I was feeling grumpy, but surprisingly, my husband put on the movie The Book of Daniel, which lifted my spirits and filled my heart with joy.

I have so much love for my Father, God, and Christian movies always uplift my spirit. Here are three key takeaways from The Book of Daniel:

In the movie, Daniel mentions Genesis 12:3: “I will bless those who bless you and curse those who treat you with contempt. All the families on earth will be blessed through you.” This verse struck my heart deeply because it reminded me of a lucid dream I once had. In that dream, God brought me to a beautiful garden, and under a huge tree, there was an open Bible with that exact verse written on it. At the time, I wasn’t even calling myself a Christian and had never read that verse before. I had to look it up after I woke up. Hearing that line in the movie was a confirmation for me. It felt as if God put His hand on my shoulder, saying, “You will live this out because I am here with you.”

The same God who stood in the fire and the lions’ den to protect His children is the God who loves me. I am so empowered by that love.

Daniel’s calm and firm demeanor, even in the face of kings and life-threatening situations, is such a powerful example of living as a true child of God. His diligence in prayer and worship throughout his life is an inspiring role model for how I want to live daily.

My battlefield

Waking up this morning, I thought about Daniel and felt inspired to pray like him—three times a day to stay connected with God. I began with my first prayer in bed. As the day unfolded, I felt a calling to start creating the art I’ve always planned to do. I have so many visual skills, and I want to use them to worship God. That’s also why I started journaling and creating this website to document my journey.

However, for some reason, I haven’t touched anything yet, and this is one of my battles today. I keep asking myself why this dream I want so badly has become my last priority. I have no answers, and all I can feel is the enemy holding me back. I feel drained and unable to take action. No, that’s not true; I do have energy, but somehow I can’t get started.

I keep praying to God, asking Him to fight this invisible wall in my heart. I even got on my knees twice. Every time I take a step closer to God, it seems the battle intensifies and becomes more intangible. Today, while fighting my thoughts and trying to pursue what I’ve always wanted to do, I saw my daily struggles magnified for the first time. I realized that when it comes to this inner battle, I am extremely weak, and there’s no way I can win without complete surrender to God. That’s why I have no other methods left, except to be on my knees with open hands.

I felt heartbroken during my struggles because this is a battle that all humans face daily. The sensation of dying a hundred times inside is no longer a joke or exaggeration; it’s the painful truth of our inner world, and it is unbearable. I can feel like a king one moment and then like the absolute worst loser the next. These ups and downs drain me like vampires, and I’ve been a slave to this cycle for as long as I can remember. Thankfully, my God has opened the eyes of my heart to see the kind of hell I am in, and He has given me the tools to break free.

I won’t call today a victory, but I’m not defeated either. My heart has experienced what it feels like to fight this battle while standing right next to God. Recognizing the different feelings I have when I am with different spirits has been a game changer for me. I can now easily distinguish between what comes from the enemy and what comes from God. In my past, differentiating the two would drain me completely, which I believe is the enemy’s favorite strategy—confusion.

Daniel demonstrated what a clear and steadfast heart looks, sounds, and behaves like. That’s the kind of heart I desire—one that firmly knows its purpose and is immune to confusion and temptation.

Thank you my Lord

O Lord, I am grateful for Your daily teachings and for the patience You show me through my struggles and setbacks. Your love is the only thing I crave, and Your wisdom is what I long to pursue. Please continue to be with me, and help me make every moment of my life a gift from my heart in worship to You.