Understanding the Power of true Loving Boundaries

My husband and I recently attended the final bonus session of our marriage retreat. The topic was “boundaries,” and I’m so grateful I chose to participate, especially in this session. My biggest takeaway was realizing that when loved ones are struggling in a “dark pit” of hurt, it isn’t our responsibility to sit in that pit with them.

This was eye-opening for me. As Christians, we often focus on kindness and compassion, even when it’s difficult. However, trying to pull our emotionally unregulated loved ones out of that pit by going down there ourselves doesn’t actually help them.

First, it gives the enemy what he wants: attention. By focusing on the pit, there’s no motivation for our loved ones to leave it, the enemy would rather have us stuck with them. Second, constantly stepping in to meet our partner’s emotional needs can rob them of the opportunity to build their own strength.

Lastly, when we get pulled into a dark place with them, we risk becoming co-dependent. Over time, we may lose our independent ability to carry God’s light. I’ve seen this pattern in myself—I’m a natural problem solver and fixer, and I often find my value in helping others solve their problems. Subconsciously, I’ve become dependent on people’s pain as a way to feel needed, fostering darkness rather than healing. Now, I see this clearly.

Embracing Balance and Trusting God’s Guidance

The enemy is often subtle and clever, hiding in the guise of truth. Many of us, myself included, fear that withholding sympathy makes us “bad” people. But I’ve realized that the enemy loves extremes—there’s no middle ground. God, on the other hand, exists in balance.

As the speaker explained, sometimes setting boundaries may feel like “abandoning” someone, but it isn’t truly abandonment. We have the power, like God, to use difficult choices for good. We can communicate openly, set clear goals, and approach challenges collaboratively. The real barrier often lies in our reluctance to feel uncomfortable, so we avoid the hard things.

As the saying goes, “Evil triumphs when good men do nothing.” This is a lesson I need to put into practice. With God’s guidance, I hope to walk this path without falling into the traps of the enemy, and to carry God’s light into every area of my life. Thank you, my Lord, for teaching me daily. I love you with all my heart.