I rarely follow bloggers or get excited about YouTubers, but there’s one creator I truly admire: Liziqi. Her spirit feels so pure, and her videos are incredibly soothing to watch. She stopped uploading nearly three years ago due to legal issues, but today she returned with an amazing episode that moved me to tears.

After watching, though, a sense of calm quickly shifted to anxiety. Liziqi and I are the same age, and I felt ashamed for not doing something as good as she has. A critical voice grew louder and harsher, leaving me feeling inadequate and uneasy.

I sat with these feelings, trying to understand their source. I realized that part of me craves admiration, wants to be elevated in a way that attracts others’ praise. I think that’s what people call ego. I was reminded of the movie Nefarious, where the desire to be “king of the world” is described as the root of darkness. And I recognized that same urge within myself, an old, almost forgotten poison in my soul.

I saw how easy it is to be pulled onto a path of comparison, striving to match or outdo someone better than me. This habit drives me to push myself, not out of genuine purpose but out of compulsion to “be more.”

But deep down, I know that’s not what God wants for me. I can sense a pure longing within, a desire to do good, to create good, and to make others feel that goodness. I believe God planted this longing in my soul, but the world’s darkness quickly distorted it, twisting it into a self-centered need for validation.

Oh Lord, keep me close to You. Protect me from temptation. I am weak, I am flawed. But I don’t need to be perfect to be loved by You. Let my efforts be motivated by You alone, not by the world.