I visited my grandpa today, and it made me so happy to see him still active and living each day to the fullest. We had lunch and dinner together, and we couldn’t help but end up complaining about my mom. The whole experience felt so familiar, it almost made me relive the painful interactions I’ve had with my mother-in-law. That’s when I realized how similar my family situation is to my husband’s. It’s eerily similar, and I can’t help but wonder why we both come from families like this.

I’m just so exhausted and heartbroken dealing with selfish people like them. On top of that, I carry this unshakable feeling of shame because, wherever I go, people are complaining about my mom. What am I supposed to do? I hate her too. But because I’m her daughter, am I just expected to tolerate her and forget everything that’s happened? Why?

It fills me with anger when people tell me what I’m supposed to do. Grandpa shared stories that revealed more about the tension between my dad and mom, stories I hadn’t heard before. The Lord knows how deep the scar in my heart is when it comes to my dad and how long I’ve carried that pain. I can’t help but believe his death was deeply tied to how my mom treated him. For years, I’ve stopped myself from dwelling too much on that part of my past.

But tonight, all that pain came rushing back. My heart aches so deeply, and I feel absolutely furious, with no place to vent.