The closer I grow to God, the more the pressure of “have to,” “must,” “supposed to,” and “need to” loses its grip on me. I can see now that much of my past struggles and hardships were self-inflicted, born out of these enslaving thoughts.

The truth is, nothing I do can alter what God intends to do. And there’s nothing I desire that God would outright forbid, even ending my own life. Though He may not agree with my choices, He allows them. That is true love—endless patience.

Another truth is that what I do doesn’t really matter that much to God in the grand scheme of things. There’s nothing I can offer that befits a King like Him. The most valuable thing I have to give is my heart. Yet, most of the time, that heart is polluted by sin. To keep it pure is probably the most valuable thing I can do.

I’ve entered a new season in how I approach life. Now, I take extra time to ensure my heart is aligned with God, rather than chasing the feeling of achievement through work alone. Instead of striving, I find fulfillment in spending time with Him. This transition hasn’t been entirely smooth—there are moments of confusion and even emptiness. Yet, deep down, my spirit knows this is the right path. All I can do is trust and follow.