Today, the craving to own our property resurfaced. This time, I am more aware of how my mind reacts to it.
- First, it jumps online, eagerly searching for new listings and digging into our bank accounts to see what we can afford.
- Then, I feel defeated and disappointed, realizing we can’t afford anything we want right now.
- This leads to feeling abandoned by God and pitying myself.
- Finally, I try to grasp at anything that might help me feel better, whether it’s working more hours or doing more chores, because pushing myself gives me the illusion that I am gaining something.
I have been stuck in this four-step cycle for a while, and each time I get stuck, only God can truly pull me out of it. Every time I overcome it, the next round becomes smoother.
Today, I caught myself at step 2. As I was going through the motions, I felt in my heart that God truly wants to give me what I desire. It’s just that what I want right now isn’t the best for my spiritual journey.
I was able to shift my focus to some creative work, which re-centered my gratitude. I have a wonderful relationship with my husband and everything in my life. My work is good too. I have so much. I am happy.
Happiness is never about what you have, it’s always about how much you can feel what you have.
Thank you, Lord, for being so patient with me and helping me re-center myself again and again. Thank you, Lord, for being so patient with me and helping me re-center myself again and again.