Insomnia Attack
I’m in the third week of my Practicing Solitude journey. The theme for this week is “Encounter the Enemy.”
Dreams are one of my sacred places to meet with God. So, insomnia attacks have been an underlying plague in my life. It doesn’t happen every day, but at least once a month, and it always strikes when I’m facing hardships. And when it happens, it knocks my spirit out for at least a few days.
Last night, for the first time, the Holy Spirit showed me what “power is made perfect in weakness” means.
Me lying in bed, realizing this is one of those nights I will get no sleep because the thoughts of the devil are ruling my mind.
Rounds Of Mind Battles
Round 1
Mind: You need to think about the work plan for tomorrow… automatically spiraling into control mode, exhausted!
Me: Abba, please help me with it. Abba, Abba…
Holy Spirit: Child, can you see that it is simply the devil trying to control you?
Me: Yes, I can now.
Peace comes.
Round 2
Mind: You said you were going to text B to tell him how much he inspired you, but you didn’t. What kind of fake Christian are you! …Feel ashamed right away.
Me: Abba, please help me with it. Abba, Abba…
Holy Spirit: Child, can you see that it is simply the devil trying to shame you?
Me: Yes, I can now.
Peace comes.
Round 3: Angry
Round 4: Confused
Round 5: Control again
Round 6: Shame again
…
It went on and on, and I could only breathe in the short peaceful intervals brought by the Holy Spirit.
Last Round:
Mind: You think you have a hold on me? You think God is really helping you? You feel good now? Screaming… I see you, sneaky one. Even when you are fighting for God, I can see your true heart. You just want to show off tomorrow to others how well you did. It’s never about God, it’s always about you. Admit it!!! You ugly thing!!!
Me: Maybe the devil is right, I am just a fake. Even my good deeds are not pure! …
Abba, Abba, Abba… I just want to sleep.
I win the battle when I lose
I woke up at 5:45 am this morning and smiled! The old me would have been beaten and stared at the devil’s ceiling until sunrise again. My Fitbit proves that I beat the insomnia attack for the very first time with help from Abba Father. I was in bed at 9 pm and fell into the REM stage at 11 pm.
This morning, I am refreshed in spirit. I know how to fight back now, and I will.
My heart just connected some dots for me. I used to watch exorcism movies, and one thing that confused me was that the faithful Christian fights the devil with all they have, barely surviving. But in the end, somehow calling the devil by name would demolish him(seems easy).
I think I understand a little now. The devil is the sneaky one, he hides in lies and morphs into fake truths. But when the Holy Spirit helped me name them, I cut right through him.
And I will never lose as long as I surrender myself fully into His hands.