I don’t serve you anymore

I often wake up with an anxious feeling, hearing a nagging voice inside me saying:

“Get up quickly, go back to your work.”

“Double-check things, there must be something you missed yesterday, and it will cause big problems if you don’t.”

These thoughts are deeply rooted in my subconscious, and I’ve woken up with a pounding heart in the morning countless times.

I believe this is a side effect of 30 years of hustling. However, this morning, I noticed an interesting shift at a subconscious level. I felt the same anxious energy enter my heart, but I also noticed a defensive energy pushing it out.

If I had to put it into words, the anxious energy said, “Get up and check on your progress.” Immediately after sensing that nagging voice, a new voice within me countered: “There will be no progress if I rely on you, the false guidance. You kept changing goals, and you were never satisfied. I don’t serve you anymore.”

All this battling happened in my mind and heart before I even opened my eyes. After my new voice defended my peace of heart, I slept a little longer.

Awesome office for me

Living in the RV has made my husband and I crave space and time to ourselves since we stopped traveling and staying in one place. This is especially true for him, as I work from home. There are four days a week when I am at home by myself.

To help my introverted husband maintain his mental health, we agreed that every Friday would be my “Out Day.” However, this has been a challenge for me because I need to think of places to go. Usually, I go shopping, hit the gym, or work at a coffee shop. But what I really need is a nice office space to work by myself. 

This morning, he asked me, “Where are you going today?” I replied, “I don’t make plans anymore. I’ll just see where the wind takes me.” As I was driving, I followed an inner intuition to check out a nearby library I had heard about. When I arrived, I started to walk around, and a man approached me and asked, “Would you like to use our private meeting room?” I said yes. 

I have been in this area for a while and have checked out three libraries in the past. Some of them require paid parking, and either they don’t have a workspace, the conference rooms are unappealing, or the library is crowded with homeless people. Because of these issues, I decided that libraries were not my best option. But God showed me an awesome office, perfectly arranged for me.

Free spring rolls

I spent two hours in the private meeting room, and on the way out, I was informed that there’s no limit on how many hours I can reserve it. So, I booked another three hours for the afternoon. I went to my car to find a restaurant for lunch. I picked one from Google Maps, but then I heard a voice say, “Don’t drive, it’s close, just walk.” So I did. As I was walking, I heard another suggestion: “Don’t go to that one you picked. Look, there’s an Asian restaurant right across the street, it’s perfect.” I ended up going to this random Asian restaurant.

The owner saw that I was Asian and started talking to me. It turned out he was new to the area as well, and we are both Chinese. I had an awesome lunch there, and he even gave me free spring rolls.

Today, God has shown me again and again that when I carry Him within me, everything is taken care of and arranged for my best interest. It’s always when I am hustling by myself, relying solely on my own judgment, that things don’t turn out right.