This past week, my days have been slower than usual. In the past, slow days like these would fill me with anxiety, worrying about where the money would come from, fearing that without more income, the life I dreamed of would be at risk. But thanks to the Holy Spirit, that train of fear has finally stopped. I now truly believe that my daily bread comes from the Father, not from my own striving. I’m not a lazy person, but I’ve made up my mind: I only work for the Father, not for fear, not my for selfish desires.

Ironically, today turned out to be relatively busy and productive. But instead of feeling fulfilled, I felt unsettled and strangely unhappy. In the moments I thought I had accomplished something, I noticed how quickly my mind slipped from feeling content to craving more. That “I want more” spirit crept in without me realizing. And once again, I’m grateful, because my body, being indwelt by the Holy Spirit, seems to resist when I abuse it with fear-driven ambition.

As I sat there planning at 100 miles per hour with my head what else I could squeeze into the day, I suddenly felt so heavy and sleepy I couldn’t keep my eyes open. So I walked away from my desk and did… nothing. And that’s when my spirit returned to me. I felt awake again, clear in both heart and mind. I realized my peace had been anchored in the wrong place. And when that happens, no matter how much I “get done,” I’m at risk of losing the very peace the Father planted in me.

It’s almost laughable and deeply humbling: the more I do, the less peace I feel, if my doing isn’t rooted in God. It’s not the activity itself, but the heart behind it. When I work from a place of greed or self-glory, it separates me from the Father. But now, with the eyes of the Christ I can see it so clearly.

I am truly alive in these slow, simple days. I see now that every day is a battlefield, a sacred space God uses to train my spirit to become stronger, purer, and closer to Him and to His truth. I love you Lord with all my heart.