Journey With God – Page 3 – belovedbackground.com

lost myself in the work

Another day of organizing the house, and I’ve completely lost myself in the work. I didn’t even realize I missed my journal yesterday, and now my mind is a complete blank regarding what happened. There has been some pleasing progress after these intense days of work, and I’m happy to

February 14, 2025

love You back the way You love me

Today was a very busy day, I visited three graveyards in the morning and spent the entire afternoon cleaning the house and moving things. By the time I got home, I was exhausted. Seeing all the stuff piled up in my mom’s space triggered that familiar pity in me again.

February 12, 2025

Yours shines above me

Today, I caught myself slipping into perfectionism again. I was so eager to shape things exactly how I wanted that I felt sad and disappointed when they didn’t turn out that way. But this time, I pulled myself out of it faster than before, and that made me happy. I

February 11, 2025

Your perfect scale of balance

I went shopping for furniture with my mom, and when we got back, I organized her kitchen. It occurred to me that she is a hoarder, but in a way quite different from my mother-in-law. This once again confirmed that my husband and I come from very similar families, both

February 10, 2025

long to give more

I had lunch and dinner at my grandpa’s place. His daughter’s family joined us for lunch but didn’t stay long, they left right after eating and didn’t return for dinner. There’s tension in the family, but I don’t fully understand why. Separation and gossip seem to be recurring themes throughout

February 9, 2025

my true parent

The Spring Festival holiday is coming to an end, and the big family gatherings are finally over. I could extend my time here as long as I wanted, since I’m so close to my aunt and grandma, but I know I’m here for a different reason. Today, I moved into

February 7, 2025

endless grace

When I talk to the people I love and care about, I can feel my controlling side jump out so quickly. Part of it is my ego, when my ideas are rejected, I feel attacked. Another part is my deep desire to see them thrive, and my mind tells me,

February 6, 2025

lack patience

I woke up with the remnants of unsettling dreams lingering in my mind, visions of an apocalypse where everyone was dying, yet no one listened to my warnings. It felt like I was the only one awake in a world on the brink of disaster. I was overwhelmed by helplessness,

February 5, 2025

mend my heart

I am very aware that the more I focus on problems, the stronger my urge to fix them becomes. I find myself planning and imagining different solutions, picturing how good things could be and how happy I would feel once they are resolved. However, reality often looks quite different. I

February 4, 2025

Be with me, Father

I feel like I’ve been caught in a tedious, repetitive cycle of life. Living with my mom and aunt, I see how different their lifestyle is from mine. I feel their pain and struggles deeply, but knowing that I can only make a small impact leaves me feeling sad and

February 3, 2025

nakedness of the soul

Today’s reading from The Screwtape Letters talks about the objectified God. I resonated with it deeply, especially when thinking about the group of people I met in China. It’s funny that I grew up there, and I used to be just like them. However, when I was deeply rooted in

February 2, 2025

souls smiling

I’ve been settling into my childhood life again, reliving days with my mom and aunt. So many memories, old habits, and feelings have resurfaced. I can clearly see that this is a second chance the Lord has arranged for me, to face the lessons I once left behind, the ones

February 1, 2025

my true home

Today, one of my aunt’s friends came to our house with her husband to spend time with us. She carries deep burdens and troubles, but the Lord brought her to me today. Thank You, Father, for leading people to me and allowing me to be Your humble servant, shining Your

January 30, 2025

Have mercy on me

“Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins. Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin.” — Psalms 51:1-2 NLT This is the message that stayed with me today. Deep within me,

January 29, 2025

How beautiful are the feet of messengers

Today is the Spring Festival. In the middle of our gathering, my mom went home. I feel a little sad, though not surprised, she often does this. Both of us have very little sense of belonging. What saddens me most is how little connection we share. Yet, deep down, I

January 28, 2025

my faithful Savior

My steady pace of life has shifted to a much more unpredictable one over the past month. Every day, I meet different people and take on various tasks. Lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time at my brother’s house, as he can’t return home every day. I’ve been helping

January 27, 2025

My Intense Dream

heal every broken heart Yesterday, I spent the entire day at one of my relatives’ homes, a family I spent a lot of time with when I was a child. I came home late and started chatting with my aunt, who caught me up on many of the major events

January 26, 2025

I need You

I woke up completely drained, overwhelmed by a wave of anger and heartbreak I haven’t felt in a long time. Being in that mindset consumed all my energy, and I absolutely hate it. I don’t know how to fix this. I know how to maintain a surface-level, fake relationship, but

January 24, 2025

absolutely furious

I visited my grandpa today, and it made me so happy to see him still active and living each day to the fullest. We had lunch and dinner together, and we couldn’t help but end up complaining about my mom. The whole experience felt so familiar, it almost made me

January 23, 2025

through me

I spent more time with my mom today, stepping into her world and seeing life through her eyes. It breaks my heart to realize how spiritually immature she is, and I’m not even sure where to begin helping her. I’ve come to a sobering realization: I’ve been running away from

January 22, 2025

How fortunate we are

I bought a new phone for my mom and spent some one-on-one time with her. Things feel like they’ve softened a bit, and it’s such a relief to remember that God is in control, not me. Life is so complex, and the human heart has a way of hiding its

January 21, 2025

You are our only salvation

My family isn’t religious, but they are actively pursuing spiritual growth. In the conversations we’ve had, I find myself wishing they could know the God I’ve come to know. I’m working on not letting judgment take over when I encounter people or situations that are different from me. I pray

January 20, 2025

humble me

I have been reaching out to both my aunt and my mom separately, hoping that they would open their hearts and communicate with me as a medium. But both have expressed that there is nothing they wish to say to each other. This has made me feel both sad and

January 19, 2025

so stuck

I moved back home from the hotel, but I’m still carrying a lot of discomfort. The tension between my aunt and my mom feels like an elephant in the room, too big to ignore. Maybe I’m too eager to fix things, or perhaps I’m expecting more than I should. It’s

January 18, 2025

Can’t see

I can’t see Last night, I couldn’t sleep. My eyes were heavy, but no matter how hard I tried, my body just wouldn’t let me rest. So, I got up and decided to do some work. Of course, my mind began to wander into all the dark corners. To shift

January 16, 2025

my brokenness

Oh my Lord, my Father God, You see the anger in my heart today. You know my struggles, my pain, and my weaknesses better than I do. I confess that I’ve allowed hatred to consume me, and in my brokenness, I even found a twisted comfort in it. I don’t

January 15, 2025

I just need You

My anger is gradually fading from my heart. I think I just needed to let everything inside me come to the surface first. Yet, part of me is still holding on, waiting for some kind of apology. I don’t know if that’s an unrealistic expectation, or if it’s something I

January 14, 2025

so broken

My heart is heavy with pain today, and my body has fallen ill as well. To avoid spreading the virus to everyone, I decided to move to a hotel. I see this as the Lord’s way of giving me space to let my heart breathe. The tangled pain between me

January 13, 2025

scars reopened

I’ve been back home for about five days, and it’s happened again, the deep pain my mom has caused me since I was a child. Her temper is like a bomb, and when it explodes, nothing and no one matters more than herself. Earlier today, I thought about checking out

January 12, 2025

can’t force anything

I’ve been adjusting to the new pace of life since returning home to China. It’s been so long since I lived here, and I’ve grown in ways that make me feel quite different now. Life in China isn’t something I personally enjoy, which was part of the reason I left

January 11, 2025

passage of time

I’ve returned to the city, but with China’s rapid development, much of it feels unrecognizable. It’s been wonderful to reunite with my family, the elders are growing older, and the younger ones are becoming so much stronger. It’s fascinating to witness the passage of time through the generations. My heart

January 10, 2025

only You

I didn’t plan to meet anyone from my online group, but the Lord arranged it so naturally. I’ve really enjoyed spending quality time with these people. I love the feeling when hearts are illuminated by the Spirit of Christ, it makes me feel fully alive in those moments. The past

January 9, 2025

meaningful conversations

I’ve been meeting more friends lately, including a group of homosexual women. In China, where there are no laws protecting them and the culture remains largely unaccepting, they shared many of the challenges they face with me. I feel grateful for the opportunity to meet them and have meaningful conversations

January 6, 2025

inspiring experiences

I got home at 12:30 last night and stayed up working for a few hours because ZQ had a deadline to meet. We only slept for four hours but still took Zuzu, her mom, and their two dogs to a park today. It was a wonderful day, filled with laughter,

January 5, 2025

being a safe space

Today, I had the opportunity to meet two members of my online small group from China in person for the first time. Although we had never met face-to-face before, it felt like reconnecting with old friends. Over the years, we’ve shared so much of our personal lives with each other,

January 4, 2025

wonderful time together

Arrived in Shenzhen today to see my best friend from college. We had such a wonderful time together, eating, walking by the ocean, and lying in bed talking about life. I’m also helping her organize her place, which I absolutely love doing. It feels so good to reconnect with an

January 3, 2025

joy beyond words

I went to bed at 8 PM last night and woke up at 5 this morning, feeling recharged and ready to take on the day. I even managed to catch up on some work. With a sense of adventure, I decided to explore the city and headed downtown. On the

January 2, 2025

purity 2025

overstimulated I landed in Chengdu early this morning, around 5 a.m. After finding a hotel, I spent the day exploring the city on foot. Having lived outside of China for so long, coming back was quite a culture shock. The towering buildings and sleek modern facilities made me feel like

January 1, 2025

patience runs thin

I boarded the plane with a full heart, feeling ready to bring light wherever I go. But soon after, the man seated near me started coughing heavily, and a young boy screamed incessantly to get his mother’s attention. In a moment, my sense of peace gave way to irritation. I

December 31, 2024

carrying a mission

I’m at the Vancouver airport right now, about to board the plane back to China. Riley seems quite sad today because of my departure, but I feel remarkably calm. I think the Holy Spirit has prepared me for this moment. He’s helped me not dwell on it or make it

December 30, 2024

a Wonderful Life

Thank You, Lord, for what You did tonight. You know I’m not a fan of black-and-white movies, yet You gave me no excuse to miss Your valuable lesson. You provided a colorful version of It’s a Wonderful Life for me to watch, and it touched my heart deeply. This is

December 29, 2024

children

Tonight we watched the movie Red One, and something in it touched my heart with the light of Christ. In the story, Callum grows disheartened by humanity’s sinfulness and loses the ability to see the childlike innocence in each person. This disappointment eventually leads him to resign. The way this

December 28, 2024

heartfelt conversations

We took the family up to Mt. Baker today to see the snow, and it was truly beautiful. Watching everyone enjoying themselves up there made me feel so grateful to live close to the mountains. I’m also thankful to have a home nearby and a body still young enough to

December 27, 2024

He is the way

The four of us enjoyed Korean BBQ tonight. Greg was especially happy, reminiscing about his time teaching in Korea and living there for six years. Alan was joyful too, cherishing the opportunity to spend time with his beloved sons and experience something new. After dinner, I introduced them to the

December 26, 2024

remain joyful

Lying in bed and journaling, I feel a deep longing for quiet, intimate time with God. My heart yearns for the Father’s love. Oh Lord, no one loves me like You do. I want to love You back with the same depth and purity with which You love me. Today,

December 25, 2024

Tomorrow is Christmas

I got a handmade basket as a Christmas gift for Patricia and helped her set up the smart TV she received yesterday. I also gave her one of our Google Mesh devices so she can use our internet for free. Teaching her how to use Netflix for the first time

December 24, 2024

He is good, and He is faithful

Answer to My Heart Ever since I learned that my neighbor Patricia didn’t have a cellphone or a smart TV, I’ve wanted to help her upgrade a little, at least get a cellphone. However, I’m not in a position to just buy these things for her, and I know she

December 23, 2024

it’s about the heart

Slept in really late today, perfect lazy Sunday. Lately, I’ve been noticing more and more how much time my cell phone takes away from me. I’m becoming highly aware of the distractions, yet every time I pick it up, it just pulls my attention away. As I get older, I

December 22, 2024