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Be with me, Father

I feel like I’ve been caught in a tedious, repetitive cycle of life. Living with my mom and aunt, I see how different their lifestyle is from mine. I feel their pain and struggles deeply, but knowing that I can only make a small impact leaves me feeling sad and

February 3, 2025

nakedness of the soul

Today’s reading from The Screwtape Letters talks about the objectified God. I resonated with it deeply, especially when thinking about the group of people I met in China. It’s funny that I grew up there, and I used to be just like them. However, when I was deeply rooted in

February 2, 2025

souls smiling

I’ve been settling into my childhood life again, reliving days with my mom and aunt. So many memories, old habits, and feelings have resurfaced. I can clearly see that this is a second chance the Lord has arranged for me, to face the lessons I once left behind, the ones

February 1, 2025

my true home

Today, one of my aunt’s friends came to our house with her husband to spend time with us. She carries deep burdens and troubles, but the Lord brought her to me today. Thank You, Father, for leading people to me and allowing me to be Your humble servant, shining Your

January 30, 2025

Have mercy on me

“Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins. Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin.” — Psalms 51:1-2 NLT This is the message that stayed with me today. Deep within me,

January 29, 2025

How beautiful are the feet of messengers

Today is the Spring Festival. In the middle of our gathering, my mom went home. I feel a little sad, though not surprised, she often does this. Both of us have very little sense of belonging. What saddens me most is how little connection we share. Yet, deep down, I

January 28, 2025

my faithful Savior

My steady pace of life has shifted to a much more unpredictable one over the past month. Every day, I meet different people and take on various tasks. Lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time at my brother’s house, as he can’t return home every day. I’ve been helping

January 27, 2025

My Intense Dream

heal every broken heart Yesterday, I spent the entire day at one of my relatives’ homes, a family I spent a lot of time with when I was a child. I came home late and started chatting with my aunt, who caught me up on many of the major events

January 26, 2025

I need You

I woke up completely drained, overwhelmed by a wave of anger and heartbreak I haven’t felt in a long time. Being in that mindset consumed all my energy, and I absolutely hate it. I don’t know how to fix this. I know how to maintain a surface-level, fake relationship, but

January 24, 2025

absolutely furious

I visited my grandpa today, and it made me so happy to see him still active and living each day to the fullest. We had lunch and dinner together, and we couldn’t help but end up complaining about my mom. The whole experience felt so familiar, it almost made me

January 23, 2025

through me

I spent more time with my mom today, stepping into her world and seeing life through her eyes. It breaks my heart to realize how spiritually immature she is, and I’m not even sure where to begin helping her. I’ve come to a sobering realization: I’ve been running away from

January 22, 2025

How fortunate we are

I bought a new phone for my mom and spent some one-on-one time with her. Things feel like they’ve softened a bit, and it’s such a relief to remember that God is in control, not me. Life is so complex, and the human heart has a way of hiding its

January 21, 2025

You are our only salvation

My family isn’t religious, but they are actively pursuing spiritual growth. In the conversations we’ve had, I find myself wishing they could know the God I’ve come to know. I’m working on not letting judgment take over when I encounter people or situations that are different from me. I pray

January 20, 2025

humble me

I have been reaching out to both my aunt and my mom separately, hoping that they would open their hearts and communicate with me as a medium. But both have expressed that there is nothing they wish to say to each other. This has made me feel both sad and

January 19, 2025

so stuck

I moved back home from the hotel, but I’m still carrying a lot of discomfort. The tension between my aunt and my mom feels like an elephant in the room, too big to ignore. Maybe I’m too eager to fix things, or perhaps I’m expecting more than I should. It’s

January 18, 2025

Can’t see

I can’t see Last night, I couldn’t sleep. My eyes were heavy, but no matter how hard I tried, my body just wouldn’t let me rest. So, I got up and decided to do some work. Of course, my mind began to wander into all the dark corners. To shift

January 16, 2025

my brokenness

Oh my Lord, my Father God, You see the anger in my heart today. You know my struggles, my pain, and my weaknesses better than I do. I confess that I’ve allowed hatred to consume me, and in my brokenness, I even found a twisted comfort in it. I don’t

January 15, 2025

I just need You

My anger is gradually fading from my heart. I think I just needed to let everything inside me come to the surface first. Yet, part of me is still holding on, waiting for some kind of apology. I don’t know if that’s an unrealistic expectation, or if it’s something I

January 14, 2025

so broken

My heart is heavy with pain today, and my body has fallen ill as well. To avoid spreading the virus to everyone, I decided to move to a hotel. I see this as the Lord’s way of giving me space to let my heart breathe. The tangled pain between me

January 13, 2025

scars reopened

I’ve been back home for about five days, and it’s happened again, the deep pain my mom has caused me since I was a child. Her temper is like a bomb, and when it explodes, nothing and no one matters more than herself. Earlier today, I thought about checking out

January 12, 2025

can’t force anything

I’ve been adjusting to the new pace of life since returning home to China. It’s been so long since I lived here, and I’ve grown in ways that make me feel quite different now. Life in China isn’t something I personally enjoy, which was part of the reason I left

January 11, 2025

passage of time

I’ve returned to the city, but with China’s rapid development, much of it feels unrecognizable. It’s been wonderful to reunite with my family, the elders are growing older, and the younger ones are becoming so much stronger. It’s fascinating to witness the passage of time through the generations. My heart

January 10, 2025

only You

I didn’t plan to meet anyone from my online group, but the Lord arranged it so naturally. I’ve really enjoyed spending quality time with these people. I love the feeling when hearts are illuminated by the Spirit of Christ, it makes me feel fully alive in those moments. The past

January 9, 2025

meaningful conversations

I’ve been meeting more friends lately, including a group of homosexual women. In China, where there are no laws protecting them and the culture remains largely unaccepting, they shared many of the challenges they face with me. I feel grateful for the opportunity to meet them and have meaningful conversations

January 6, 2025
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