I don’t even know how many days it’s been, this persistent sadness in my heart just won’t go away. The last time I felt this kind of unshakable heaviness was when my dad passed away. But this time, it seemed to come out of nowhere. I’ve searched my mind for a reason, anything to make sense of what I’m feeling. I’ve tried so hard to understand it, because I don’t like it, and I want to fix it. But maybe that’s where I went wrong. Maybe I’m not meant to fix it.

I’ve said many times that I’m afraid of losing my passion for life. And maybe that’s exactly what’s happened. Maybe this is my moment to face that fear and move through it. I don’t know. All I know is that I’m tired, tired of the soul-deep weariness that clings to me. I haven’t even done much, yet my energy drains so quickly. The things that once brought me joy and excitement now feel empty. Time feels like a heavy rhythm of chores and repetition.

Oh Lord, it feels like my heart is dead. I feel nothing. And yet, I still choose You. I still long for You. I ache for Your love to return to my soul, the love that is sweeter than honey, the love that revives and fills the heart with joy again.