Morning 

During the worship song today, I broke down, crying non-stop. I think this is what people call a “Jesus moment.” It all started with a prayer question: “Lord, where do you want me to go? How do you want me to serve?”

Since I felt my calling to be a Christian, I’ve always wanted to do more. I have been treasuring the lessons I’ve learned from practicing solitude. I was planning to start some kind of small online group to teach these lessons, as I already have followers who want to learn more. I thought about charging a small fee to compensate for my time and effort, and to make it more exclusive, filtering out those who aren’t serious.

But this morning, when I asked those prayer questions, I immediately felt a response in my heart: “Go tell people about Jesus, as many as possible, and make it free and accessible to everyone.”

My mind couldn’t process this at first, I don’t think I am ready to tell everyone about Jesus, and my heart just broke down immediately and I started to cry. I still don’t know what came out of those tears, but I felt a weight lift from my soul. 

I feel sorry for mistreating my heart

I feel healed by God

I feel warmth in my being

I feel uplifted 

I feel clarity without knowing

Afternoon 

There is a line from the Christian show “The Chosen”I watched last night that stuck with me: Jesus said, “My time has not yet come.”

My time has not yet come.

My time has not yet come

…

This line kept repeating in my head after my moment in church today.

I can’t fully unpack its meaning yet, but I sense that this is the beginning of a new way of living for me. My usual approach has always been to dive in and tackle tasks immediately.

Watching Jesus in the show seeking approval and guidance before starting anything was inspiring.

I want to carry out God’s plan the way He did.

Evening

Tonight, I watched another episode of “The Chosen.” When Jesus meets Nicodemus, He says, “The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear the sound of it, but you do not know where it is coming from and where it is going; so is everyone who has been born of the Spirit” (John 3:8).

This resonated deeply with me, describing exactly what I felt this morning. I experienced the effect of the wind but knew nothing else about it.

The Spirit reveals only the information I need for now, and Jesus emphasized this with the line, “My time has not yet come.”

There is an arrangement from higher dimensions working through our timeline to guide us. I need to be patient, “prepared and keep my lamps lit.”(Luke 12:3).

A sweet confirmation came right after the show. When I checked Facebook, the first post I saw was a picture of a book called “Now and Not Yet.” I knew this was the same wind I had been feeling today.

I can’t help but cry when watching the conversation between Jesus and Nicodemus.

Nicodemus says, “My heart is swollen with fear and wonder, and it tells me nothing but that I am standing on holy ground.”

Overwhelmed, Nicodemus, a high level spiritual leader, drops to his knees before this young man he has just met and kisses his hand.

I was deeply moved at that moment because I felt that same holy ground during my own encounter with Jesus. It’s an inexplicable emotional breakdown filled with peace and joy, and the perfect honesty and acceptance of all my sins.