Message to my husband this morning:

First, I want to say how grateful I am that, during such a difficult time, you’ve been clingy to me, seeking comfort and love. It means the world to know that you see me as a source of support, safety, comfort, healing and love which makes me incredibly happy.

I’ve been praying and carefully considering whether to join you right now. My heart feels more at peace with the decision not to go, and I’ve been sensing a strong nudge from the Holy Spirit to sit this one out and pray for you from a distance.

This is a significant moment for your family—the way all of the kids have come together around Dad to say goodbye to Mom feels like a once-dead family tree beginning to sprout new leaves. I see it as God’s healing hand, bringing your family together. While I want to be there for you, but I believe you will grow better without me for this one.

Thank you for giving me the chance to say goodbye to Mom. That was meaningful for me. Be strong for them and for yourself. So many years have passed, and now is the time to bear new fruit for this family. You’ve grown so much as both a man and a child of God—follow His lead and help heal the hearts around you. I see this not as a separation but as a reunion.

The Painful Truth

For many people, saying goodbye face-to-face is deeply important. For me, while I value it, I’ve come to realize it’s not always necessary. Losing my dad so suddenly, without the chance to say goodbye, forced me to adapt to a different kind of farewell. In some ways, it made it easier to accept goodbyes without that final, face-to-face moment. But emotionally, it may have prolonged the healing process—this was my experience.

As I grow in this world and in Christ, the painful truth I’ve come to understand is that everything we cling to—whether it’s someone or something—will eventually fade. When confronted with death, all we truly have is ourselves and God. And death is not the end for our souls; I have deeply embraced this truth in both mind and spirit. Our spirits will always live on, and because of this, I no longer fear death.

What I truly fear is not living fully in Christ while I still have the time and ability to act and love. If I can carry Christ with me every day, while I’m able and alive, then when I finally face death, I believe I will have confidence and no regrets. Let that be my goal.

I pray for mom again—Lord, show Your mercy upon her. Hold her hand every step of the way. Guide her out of the darkness that troubles her, take her home, and grant her Your peace.