A Night of Struggle and a Morning of Revelation

Thank you, O Lord, for being so close to me, for listening, and for answering. Last night, I went to bed wrestling with the question of how to draw the line between serving others and overburdening myself. This morning, I woke up very early and couldn’t fall back asleep. The first thing I saw was Malachi 3:10, which speaks about tithing.

My initial reaction was fear because I haven’t been tithing as the Bible commands. Growing up without financial security has made it difficult for me to embrace the idea of regularly giving a significant portion of my income. Recently, I started giving a small amount each month to a missionary friend, but when I learned that the tithe should be 10%, it became another nagging duty in my mind. Yet this morning, the Holy Spirit guided me to see a deeper connection.

The Trap of Problem-Solving

I thought, “If I just set up a 10% recurring tithe, this problem will be solved, and then I can feel happy again right now.” But in that moment, a truth hit me: this approach is the same as how all my well-intended actions eventually turn into burdens. I know myself—I’m someone who identifies problems and tries to solve them quickly. The more efficient I am, the more valuable I feel, which stems from how I grew up and what the world has conditioned me to believe.

Over the years, an underlying trap has been growing without me realizing it. My sense of value has become tied to how well I solve problems. When there are no problems, I start looking for them or try to “fix” things that are already perfectly fine. This is where my need for constant improvement—my must-be-better OCD—stems from.

This trap drains my soul, wears me down, clouds my mind, and makes me lose my way in the world. Eventually, the enemy gains ground, and I find myself completely out of touch with my Father, God.

What God Truly Wants

But this isn’t what God wants for me. It’s not about buying a pet carrier for my neighbor, it’s the time spent talking with her that matters. It’s not about helping her lower her bills, it’s the heart behind caring for her well-being that counts. God is the one who arranges solutions to our problems. He desires my heart, not just my actions. Now, my mind is clearer, and I’m no longer consumed by her problems. One story she shared stood out: she had broken her arm in three places, but miraculously, her bones realigned by the way she stood up on her own. When she went to the hospital, the doctor treated her and simply told her to go home and rest—no surgery was needed.

Who solves problems? Not me—it’s God. But who can bring God’s power into people’s lives and spread it far? It’s us! Through our hearts, we magnify His power on earth for others

A New Understanding of Tithing

So, returning to my tithing concern, I now realize that God doesn’t need my money, nor does He want to take away anything I hold valuable. Instead of setting up that 10% tithe right now, He wants me to reflect on the meaning of tithing. He wants me to have conversations about it, to wrestle with the struggle, so that I can feel His guidance and experience His answers through my faithful heart deeply.

Oh Lord, You are my great God! Only You bring wisdom and perfect solutions all at once. You are the power of creation and the power of healing.

I will remind myself of this: Stop trying to fix everything. Surrender your heart.