Recurring pain cycle
There’s a recurring pain cycle between me and my husband: he often feels stuck in work situations that make him unhappy, yet he tends to be slow to take action or make improvements. We even got into lawsuit because of this. At the same time, he frequently expresses his frustrations, which used to trigger me because I really dislike negativity. Thankfully, I’ve been learning to handle this better.
This morning, a similar situation came up again. His new job has been keeping him so busy that he feels burned out, and he texted me about it. I could feel my usual emotions rising—the urge to tell him to just speak to his boss and make some changes. But this time, I held back and responded instead with: “Sometimes pressure is God’s nudge in disguise. Ask Him what He might be trying to teach you.”
Now, I’m asking myself: if I keep facing this kind of situation repeatedly, what lesson could God be trying to teach me in it?
What I know
I’m still learning my lessons, but here’s what I know in my heart right now:
- Not Making His Problem My Problem
I’m grateful for the insight I gained from our marriage retreat. It’s natural to feel that when our partner struggles, we need to solve it together. But God designed our journeys uniquely, even in marriage. This realization has been freeing for me. I know he’s overwhelmed at work, which impacts our time together, and he may face setbacks if he speaks up. But these are his challenges to navigate. Knowing this allows me to keep my peace, release my fears, and stay patient and supportive. - Love Isn’t Always Soft
Because I love him, my instinct is to fix his problems. Growing up, I watched my mom respond to my dad’s worries by either quickly finding solutions or controlling the situation. I’ve felt that same urge, but my walk with Jesus has shown me a healthier balance. Love requires patience to watch our loved ones struggle and grow, just as God does with us. So, I’m choosing to let him find his own way, entrusting my worries to God.
My role is to manage my own emotions, not to fix his problems. The best way I can support him is by letting him learn and figure things out on his own.
God never intends to harm me or our relationship. I used to believe that if one partner was struggling, it endangered the security of the relationship. Now I see this as an opportunity for me to grow even freer. We are not responsible for anyone’s choices in life—not our parents, our partners, or even our children. It may sound harsh, but it’s true. No matter how close we are, we are all independent souls on our own journeys with God. We can choose to love and support each other, but the only battles we can truly fight are within ourselves.
Oh, Lord, my love and trust are in You alone. Thank You for bringing me freedom even in distress. I know I can’t fix others’ problems, but I pray for them to receive You with open hearts. I pray for myself to focus on Your truth only!